This Is What You Wanted
by Miravisu
Summary: Songfic featuring This Is What You Wanted by Mesh. Someone reaches a turning point, but is it what they wanted?


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**- disclaimers -**  
"_The Pretender_" and all associated characters are property of  
NBC Studios and MTM Entertainment and its creators Steven Long  
Mitchell & Craig W. Van Sickle and are used here without  
permission and is for entertainment purposes only.  
No copyright infringement is intended. 

"_This Is What You Wanted_" by Mesh is from the album "Collide"  
and is the property of Mark Hockings, Richard Silverthorn and Neil Taylor,  
and is quoted here without permission and is for entertainment purposes only.  
No copyright infringement is intended.  
Please visit mesh dot co dot uk for more info.

In other words.. run, she _-points-_ has written another songfic.  
Hankies are handed out to your left exit, and feathers and tar to your right.  
Please mind the slightly sappy step on this one, but I  
think I squeezed a few tears out of it as well.  
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**THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED**

_(And you can't go back again)_

_All the lines you wrote All the words you spoke are here  
It helps  
Every part of her  
Every drop of every tear  
She smiles_

He drinks in the sight of her, as always astonished over her ivory skin, her crimson lips, her smooth legs and her silky hair.The ice in her eyes is gone, leaving but an endless blue sky to behold. Her laughter is like summer rain and he's a heartbroken desert in her path."Are you The Saddest Little Valentine?", he asks slyly as he spots the papers tumbling around the two, his words, her story."No" she smiles, even with her eyes. He loves that smile, she's never been more beautiful and open to him, to read just like an open book, like the one whose pages are being scattered in the wind by her hands.

_This is what you wanted  
This is what you'd pray for every day  
This is what you wanted  
This is what you needed them to say  
And you're just so tired  
But his life's just getting in the way  
This is what you wanted  
And there's nothing else to do today  
(And you can't go back again)/i/center_

A turning point, or simply just ignoring the rest of the world, for one day. She couldn't decide which, but something that felt this good could in the end only lead to tears one way or the other. Maybe it was your own way of being the master of your own fate. Taking the decision in your own hands. She had found him, the Voices made it far too easy. Your eyes met, your lips met.. you were falling, into his arms. As your lips met that very last time, you finally said what you had been so afraid to say. "I. Love. You."

_ You can't get out of bed  
There's nothing left to break the fall  
It's too long  
You can't forget the sound  
They switch to black and white and draw  
What's gone_

You're falling again, but this time no one is there to catch you. You could still see the look on his face, the joy in his eyes. You could still feel his arms tighten around you, feel his heartbeat against your own chest. Then, the moment had passed. You weren't falling anymore, he wasn't there to catch you. He just laid there, unable to move, to think, to feel, to love you back. She hadn't cried a single tear, not until now. And now she couldn't stop.

_ (And you can't go back)  
And now you have to go back home (back home)  
To-to-to face the world alone (back home)  
And now you have to go back home (back home)  
To-to-to face the world alone  
God only knows  
How you sleep at night  
God only knows  
How you face the light_

You're still crying, on the inside, it hurts. So much. But no one can hurt you two more now. Not even them, on the inside or outside. You have to be strong, and remember. Remember him. Remember his love for you. Now they have nothing to banter with, as they try to pry the last piece of your soul away. You simply tell them "No". Then you walk away. Silence, only your high heels clattering against the floor.

_ (And you can't go back)  
This is what you wanted  
This is what you'd pray for every day  
This is what you wanted  
This is what you needed them to say_

The wind in your hair, an Angel in flight. I didn't run away, I walked away. And they for a change couldn't care less. She smiles, she can hear His voice whispering. "I'm so proud of You. Whatever You do, keep walking." She keeps walking, a man falls off the roofs nearby. She reads about it in the morning newspaper the next day. "Thumbless man died of heartattack on roof, fell to his death." The Voices for a change lay it out plainly for her. Angel vs Demon, 1-0.

_ God only knows  
How you sleep at night  
God only knows  
How you face the light  
God only knows (and now you have to go back home)  
How you sleep at night (to face the world alone)  
God only knows (and now you have to go back home)  
How you face the light (to face the world alone)_

His last look, were one of forgivance. His last words words, were of assurance. "I love You. I forgive You. Always." Then you smiled and closed your eyes with those gorgeous, dark, thick lashes, awaiting my kiss. He gave me his life. In return for my freedom. Some nights I wake up, alone, falling again. She sighs, and cries once more, whispering his name in vain.


End file.
